Resilience in the Midst of Caregiving

It has been a difficult period for me.
Seeing my mother so frail is heartbreaking. My eyes well up when I visit her.

She has advanced dementia, is bedridden, and is on tube feeding.
She has been hospitalised for 4 weeks.

Despite receiving the best possible medical care from the start, her ankle wounds have continued to deteriorate:

• Size: the wounds have become larger
• Exudate: increased discharge and pus
• Smell: a worsening foul smell, so strong that nurses have to use air purifiers and aroma oils.

Doctors have prepared us that her condition is unpredictable.
It may decline gradually, or there is a risk that she may pass away suddenly.

Just when this already felt like more than we could hold, we received more difficult news.

Another deep wound point was found on the same ankle, as the wounds continue to deepen and tunnel.

Last year, she was also warded for a severe wound and it healed well.

But now, as her body has grown weaker over time and with multiple wounds, it feels like too many battles for her body to fight.

She cannot speak, express herself, or move.

Her hands and legs are stiff, her body curled, feet swollen.

She looks peaceful, but I know she is in pain, which is why the doctor has given her morphine to manage the pain.

I believe she can still feel us, even though she hasn’t recognised us for the past 7 years.

She is mostly sleeping now.
When I lean close and say,
“Ma Ma, Ah Ren 来了, Ah Ren 在这里。”
sometimes she slowly opens her eyes.

And in that moment, my emotions are beyond words.

I hold her hands and just stay by her side.

I know many caregivers understand this silent pain, watching someone you love suffer and feeling helpless.

During this tough period, I fall back on my C.A.R.E.® framework.

• Choose to be positive
Not ignoring reality, but reminding myself that mindset matters. If I think, “I cannot take this,” I struggle. If I think, “I can,” I find strength.

• Acknowledge my emotions
I am deeply sad. I cry. I let my emotions sit with me instead of numbing them, and it helps me feel better.

• Reframe my mind
This deepens my appreciation of what truly matters: love, presence, and being there while I still have the chance.

It also reinforces that self-care is vital and helps me cope in healthy ways.

For me, it’s listening to music, playing the piano, and jogging.

• Embrace positive self-talk
I tell myself, I will stay strong.

To every caregiver walking a similar path,
I see you.
Sending you strength and hope.

And to the healthcare team at St Luke’s Hospital, thank you for your care, patience, and support for my mum during this time.
We are truly grateful and touched. 🙏

In sharing this journey, I hope my reflections not only bring encouragement to fellow caregivers but also inspire you to apply the C.A.R.E.® framework in your own lives.

May it remind us of the strength found in love and presence, and that even in hard seasons, choosing positivity, acknowledging emotions, reframing our minds, and embracing self-talk can help us build resilience.

May we continue to hold on to hope, care for ourselves, and cherish the moments we have with those we love.

With C.A.R.E.®

Founder, Xel Consulting

Contact Xi Ren